Santa’s workshops full of noise

as elves work long and hard.

Production lines of gifts and toys

reindeer train in the yard.

The magic dust has been misplaced

they panic they won’t fly.

A grin spreads over Rudolph’s face,

he’s making Prancer cry.

He heard we know about his nose

and the fame went to his head.

He’s not the hero that we know –

he’d rather stay in bed.

Santas tried to check his list

the way its always done.

The names looked foggy, was there mist?

His milks been spiked with rum.

The elves went on strike last year,

they couldn’t stand his tricks;

he superglued their tools and gear

and swapped the toys with bricks.

One year he untied all his mates

so when they flew the sleigh,

Santa dropped with all the weight

and landed in their hay!

The water well got filled with gin,

the tea replaced with beer.

Santa’s head was in a spin,

lost control of the reindeer.

The sleigh zigzagged across the sky,

who knows what gifts kids got?

Santa threw up mince pies,

the cakes, cookies – the lot.

Mrs Clause has had a word –

the games will have to stop.

Rudolph thought it was absurd,

so stole the lollipops.

Last week they locked him in a shed,

but took him in his food.

He kicked an elf right in the head –

what an attitude!

Today he said he would behave

if they would let him fly.

Santas either dumb or brave,

the others sense a lie.

So if on Christmas Eve you hear

a weird noise in the sky

you’ll know Rudolphs found the beer

and spiked Santa’s mince pies!