Daily writing prompt

What’s something most people don’t understand?

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The short answer is me.

I feel I should explain just a little. When I was in my 20s I found women took an instant dislike to me. I came across as aloof apparently, was called ‘stuck-up’ a few times. They were wrong. I was just shy and painfully uncomfortable in social situations – still am.

I feel like I never know what to say or when I do say something it just doesn’t come out right. Most people don’t get my sense of humour yet my husband tells me I one of the funniest people he has ever met. We laugh a lot.

I am a thinker so I suppose I am quiet with others, to a point. Then I realise I am too quiet and over-compensate by saying something stupid then mentally kick myself and go back to quiet. It’s a vicious cycle, one which gets me judged (unfairly), a lot.

I am not quiet with my family though or the few who know me, quite the opposite. I suppose I am just more confident so my ‘true self’ shows more.

I don’t like being awkward socially and I’ve always wondered where it came from. The only answer I’ve been able to come up with is high school. We moved when I was in my first year so I was in a different area with a different accent and no friends. I wasn’t the smartest but I like learning new things and I had to work hard – apparently you weren’t supposed to do that but nothing really came easy to me. Even though there were plenty of other people who were much smarter than me, they were in the correct social gang, while I got called ‘swot’ and other names.

When I tried to join in a conversation, I got nervous and got it wrong – and they let me know it.

That feeling has stayed with me ever since.