Its always good to take stock at the end of the week and congratulate yourself on how much you’ve managed to survive and accomplish.

Didn’t scream at the moron in front of you, who seemed to get buying scratch cards and being a bingo caller mixed up? Well done. How many do they need by the way? It’s always the same:

Cashier: “Is that everything?”

Moron: “Yes, oh no wait, give me 3 number 5s, 2 1s, a couple of 8s and a niner. No make that 2…..” aaarrrgghhh!

Or maybe you got cut off by the turd driving a taxi but didn’t go all ‘Michael Douglas from Falling Down’? Congratualtions. If it helps, when in these situations I have a mantra that I repeat over and over to myself: “prison food does not taste good”. Use it whenever you need.

You perhaps managed to dodge the two walking whales on the high street who manage to take up the WHOLE pavement and go slower than a couple of corpses? Gold Star!! Why are they always either: a) gossiping or b) going through the list of their medical complaints – which they can’t fathom how they got? Must be plain old bad luck.

We’ve noticed a phenomenon: the size of someone’s TV often has a direct correlation to the size of their rear end. As we drive around, the following phrase can often be heard: “bet they’ve got a big telly”.

This week has brought pulled muscles, emergency dentist trips and dive-bombing seagulls but we’ve survived.

That’s an accomplishment worth celebrating!