There are certain facts in life which we do not currently have the power to alter: Time will pass

                 We all age

                 We all die

The ageing process has been on my mind a lot over the last few years. I think, if I’m honest, it has been since my mum died 8 years ago. Losing a parent had a huge impact on me for a lot of reasons which I won’t get into now but there were a lot of repercussions from her passing; the smallest of these was me realising I’m getting older.

I hadn’t really paid much attention to my getting older as I’ve been so focused on Dearest Son’s growing and learning. Parents will know: our goal is to produce well-rounded, decent, knowledgeable individuals into the world, so my grief and ageing were put to one side.

This year however, in May, I turn 50, and so my journey through life and my ageing process is more pressing on my mind. It’s not just the changes in my skin, the changes in my body shape, the wrinkles I’m forming or all the other oddities I have to adjust to. There is the worry, the dawning acknowledgement, the concern, the panic, that one day, Dearest Son will be in my position – minus one parent, and eventually, minus both of us.

And that scares me, terrifies me and breaks my heart.

I’m hoping, obviously, he will be of a ‘good age’ – well adjusted and have a great understanding of life, and so on. But what I see is a 13 year old, scared and alone and I can’t stand it.

I’m getting older.

My husband is older than me.

We can’t leave him.

I’m not happy to ‘age’ at the moment.

Are you?